On July 13th, our world changed forever. I was scheduled for my 20 week anatomy scan at 9am and couldn’t wait to confirm the gender of baby #2. I had already had 3 different ultrasounds to confirm gender but baby didn’t want to cooperate! Stubborn little thing like his or her daddy! We were told 90% chance girl but today would be the day we would get confirmation. Trevor and I dropped Case off at school and headed to the medical center. The scan, so we thought, went well. The ultrasound tech showed us 10 tiny toes, a gig em’ thumbs up, a precious profile, and confirmation of a GIRL! I was so ecstatic! The ultrasound tech sent the pictures to my phone and said the Doctor would be in shortly.
As soon as he entered, I could sense something was wrong. He said he wanted to do a few more scans and was fairly quiet as he viewed scans of the heart for what seemed like an eternity. He then asked me to wipe my belly and sit up so we could talk. I could feel the lump in my throat as I held back tears knowing my world was about to come crashing down. The next few minutes I felt like I was in the twilight zone. He tried explaining that our baby girl had a heart issue called, AV Canal Defect. He drew pictures of a regular heart and then our baby girl’s heart – they did not look the same. There was a hole (or two) between the heart chambers, blood wasn’t flowing properly, she would need at least one open heart surgery to repair, and we would be sent to fetal cardiologist for further evaluation. He then explained this was commonly seen in babies with Down syndrome and that we were looking at a 40-50% chance. Again, I felt as if I was in the twilight zone as tears began to pour down. Trevor and I quietly made our way to the genetic counselor where I was scheduled for blood work to determine the DS diagnosis. I dropped to my knees in the bathroom unable to catch a breath, but slowly pulled myself together and made the short walk to the lab. We would receive the results back in 4-5 days.
The following Thursday, July 19th, we received the diagnosis – our little girl had down syndrome. I was numb and couldn’t really even feel the emotions. Was this really happening to us? Why did God pick me? Doesn’t he know there are other Moms more fit for this – this isn’t what I envisioned for our future? I was angry, frustrated, worried, scared, heartbroken. Name the emotion and I have probably felt it over the last few weeks.
A couple weeks have now went by. While I still feel like I’m on this rollercoaster of emotions, I am thankful for my Lord and Savior who has held me through it all. Deep down I know we will be okay (more than okay) and I find peace knowing he purposely picked this little girl for me, Trevor, and Case. Our Lily was fearfully and wonderfully made just for us. Was it what we had planned? No. But I do find peace in knowing it was God’s plan (way before I realized) and so far in the last 30 years, he hasn’t let me down yet. Yes, I still have all the emotions as described above (on a daily basis), but I do know great joy is coming. And for that I am very thankful.
There have been so many scriptures and stories that have given me hope over these last few weeks. My mom sent me this letter, A Letter from God about Down Syndrome, a few nights back and I’m pretty sure it was made for me. So if you have time, take a read and say a prayer for our little family. We see the fetal cardiologist on August 14th and are praying we get some positive news and better understanding of Lily’s heart condition. The support and love we have received from our family and close friends over the last few weeks have been incredible. We are blessed to have so many take this journey with us!
A Letter from God about Down Syndrome
Walking in Faith: Lily's Journey 