JOY

How in the world is baby girl going to be ONE tomorrow?! I’ve been really in my feels these last few weeks, reflecting over this last year. Goodness what a year! I sometimes find myself looking at her and can’t help but tear up. All the heartache, the fear and pain leading up to her birth. The scary unknown of what would be. For the months leading up to delivery day, my phone background displayed Romans 8:18 “The pain you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the JOY that is coming” God sure does keep his promises. This girl is a light in a dark world. She continues to teach me daily and I am a better person because of her. I could go on and on about the wonderful things she has taught me but let’s face it, blogging is a little harder with a 3 and 1 year old these days. So a few takeaways from the year:

1) My God is faithful. Oh, so faithful. When Lily is being precious (as she is often) I can’t help but smile and think “I see what you were doing, God”. Through heart surgery, through fears/worries, through it all…he was and is always there. He is true to his promises.

2) The momma bear in me is fierce. Before Lil got here, I had some ridiculous fears of wondering if I was the right person for her. Would I be able to step up to the plate in the ways I needed? I really wasn’t the advocate type kind. It’s amazing what your children do to you. You learn, you adapt, you fight. You show up in the ways they need, because that’s what Mommas do. We will conquer this world together and I will make sure she lives her best life by doing anything I can.

3) We have the best village in the entire world. No exaggeration, they are best. Last weekend we did the Houston Buddy Walk and had over 70 people join us. Each one of those people (and many more) have been there for us every step of the way. They have prayed for us, cried with us, and now get to share the JOY with us. We are so thankful to have an army behind us on this journey.

4) The Down Syndrome community gives me life. While 99% of these relationships are through Facebook/internet, they mean the world. Those fellow moms get it. We share our deepest fears and celebrate our accomplishments. These women are warriors, just like their children. They restore my faith in humanity. I have really connected with one particular momma so much that Lil and I are jumping on a plane in January to go visit them! Never in a million years could you have told me I was going to go stay with a stranger for the weekend. It’s craziness but just shows what these relationships mean.

5) Case is the best big brother (as I knew he would be). Just yesterday morning he was playing pretend being his cute self as always, fighting the bad guys. I said you better keep them away from your sister and in his cute little voice “I will, I am always going to protect her”. He’s so sweet and oh so smart and Lily is lucky to have him as her protector.

6) People were right. Girls love their daddys. Lily is OBSESSED with Trevor. I can’t wait to see their relationship develop as she gets older. He loves her fiercely and is her biggest cheerleader. He’s our rock and we love him so!

7) Lastly, the Lil is resilient. She is smart, a fighter, stubborn, loves her groceries (remember those blogs, praying she would put on the ounces…God answers prayers lol), and is the pure definition of JOY. She not only lights up our lives, but I’m pretty sure she’s impacted 100s already. I constantly see on FB the same similar comment of “she just makes my day”. She may be small, but her impact is going to be BIG.

With all this said, I’ll never forget one day in College (I’m sure after a beer or two), my cousin Randy asked me what is the one thing you want in life? I remember having to think for a while and then responding, “to be happy” Not sure why that conversation stuck with me, but it did. This year has really brought me back to it on multiple occasions. Cause let’s not lie – the future can still be scary with all the unknowns with Lil. When is she going to walk? When is she going to talk? Will she be able to live on her own? Sometimes I find my thoughts/questions spiraling out of control wondering about the future. And then I stop, and ask myself this question “Are you happy today?” And the answer is Yes. It always seems to be yes. There is comfort in knowing that a year ago or even 6 months ago my fears and worries are now the present and yet my answer is still always yes. If anything, Lily has taught us to live in the here and now and the NOW is beautiful. It’s rewarding, full of love, and if anything, its going too fast. Let’s face it nothing is promised in life. Not even with our typical children. So soak up every day. Each and every minute. Love your loved ones fiercely. Embrace your blessings. And remember even if you can’t see it now, He has a plan. And today I am thankful for that plan.

Happy birthday Lily Bug! You are so loved!

“He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted” JOB 5:9